Idiot Girl Starts the New Semester

I plan on posting a pictoral blog of December/January journeys and adventures, but it'll be a job of work and I'm covered up with school work right  now. So here are some highlights of my last few weeks:

Garage 'Sailing' -
Last Friday I woke up early and set sail for Southlake to find some Garage Sales. Basically I was putting off working on my short story that's due next week and I'm only up to a 450 word count. No bueno. What to do? RUN AWAY!  Also, mom's been jonesing for a Garage Sale since apparently Ohio-ans don't have them when it snows. Who knew? Anyway, I haven't properly explored my local habitat here in Roanoke, so I drove to the Southlake area since there's a big honkin' collection of fancy dancy shops and a Barnes and Noble big enough to get lost in, just in case the sales were a bust. I drove around in the neighborhoods for a half hour, and didn't see a single sale. Not even an old sign. Guess I need to find where the brokefolk live, 'cause the people in the mansions there probably donate their gently worn Coach purses and Miss Me Jeans. Which is crap. The homeless do not care about $150 jeans. I do. Those pants are magical. They give EVERYBODY an ass. Sigh.
I found Hobby Lobby I didn't know was there, and  a new breed of WalMart: it's called a Neighborhood WalMart which means they just have groceries. What is the point of a WalMart if you STILL have to go to another store to get caulk and new chonies after you're done grocery shopping? Ain't nobody got time for that. The locals are strange in the metroplex. And they LOVE an orthodontist, a chiropractor, and a dry cleaner, I must have passed a hundred of them trying to find a garage sale. Next weekend I'm gonna check out Craigslist to get a plan of attack on the garage sale front.


What about me says 'I make smalltalk', bro? -
I've said this before and I'll say it again... if you're trying to chat a girl up (and I'm pretty sure that's what he was doing. I think. Y'all know I suck at social signals) ... don't ask to bum a cigarette. This tells me that you're either too broke or too cheap to buy your own.Which means that I'll be picking you up from your mom's house AND buying your dinner in the unlikely event that our uncomfortable small talk makes it to the invite to coffee stage. Kick rocks, man. And if I completely misinterpreted his cues and he was just being polite and burning one with me instead of the Bum and Run (which I prefer), well... my tattoos, piercings, and heavy eyeliner should tell people that I don't like awkward unsolicited conversation. ANYWAY... so I'm sitting on the sidewalk by the coffeeshop smoking, (since UNT went all non-smoking this semester) and he bums a smoke and launches into how he's got a Master's in psychology etc etc etc and asking me questions about my major, how long I've been going to UNT. I'm trying to have a text conversation with mom in the last 15 mins before class starts, but I don't want to seem rude by completely ignoring him.. And the fool says, "Am I making you uncomfortable? Usually when people they start playing with their phones it's a signal that they need space..." YA THINK? I'm sitting on the ground, you're standing OVER me, the sun is in my eyes when I look up at you and all I can see is a dark figure with a halo around it's head, AND I was 'playing with my phone' when you walked up. That fifty thousand dollar psychology education really paid off for you, bro... you were successfully able to cipher out my need for personal space, high five!


Professor McSteamy -
My favorite class is Monsters in Anglo-Saxon Literature. First of all, yussssss! I love that crap. And the first day of class, I realized that my professor is brilliant, engaging, personable, FUNNY and he reads and speaks Old English, which is like another language, really difficult, so he's a genius. So hooray, right? Three weeks into class, we're getting our learn on and he adjusts his belt a little. A small movement, unnoticeable by probably everybody else... and I shit you not, I am hit with a psychic vision of his naked torso. It was a vision. I could see through his clothes with my Xray eyes... and for the first time I realize my professor is SMOKING HOT. Took me three weeks, but DAYUM, son! In that moment I saw his flat stomach and hip bones peeping out of his low slung jeans... he has an outie belly button. He's fit but not all grossly six-packed. He's a little hairy but not Sasquatch-y. I hyperventilated a little. I flushed. I couldn't even look him in the eye for the rest of the class, and to this day couldn't tell you what he was talking about. My notes for that day break off into a cryptic little note... Sweet Baby Jesus. That's all. Rarely ever am I bowled over by someone's attractiveness, and usually it results in a severe and complete inability to form coherent words. Thankfully it took me awhile to realize he's hot, because up til this point I've been making some brilliant commentary in class. One day he even said 'Brandi's point just encapsulated my whole lecture right there. We can pack up and leave now.' Because I am a nerd, I've been able to somewhat forget his sexgodness and concentrate on monsters in the following lectures. Until Thursday, when he got close to me to hand me a paper and he smelled SOOOOOO good I almost accidentally licked him. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? FREAK! And to cap it off, we were studying the illustrated 11th century Genesis manuscript with naked drawings of Adam and Eve. He said 'nipple'. I blushed. He said 'genitals' and I stopped breathing and had to use my inhaler (which is mostly due to my smoking and walking pneumonia).

Time for Big Girl Clothes? -
This week I went to a symposium on Gender and Militancy in Anglo Saxon literature sponsored by the English Department. Basically a genius doctorate blahblahblah from Rutgers talking about her upcoming paper on some cool stuff. If you get down on ancient literature, which I do. Anyway my class was specifically invited by Professor McSteamy to go, and I like hearing what smart people have to say, so I went. I sat on the opposite side of the room from McSteamy so I could concentrate (and I'm pretty sure his wife was there too, which would have been awkward since I can't control these psychic visions of him but I also don't want to be creepin on nobody's man) ... I'm listening, I'm listening, some of it's over my head but most of it is not and I'm excited, I'm getting into it and when she invites us to ask questions, I did. And I sound reasonably smart doing it, I think. Yay. And as heads are swiveling to me, I realize that I have thrust myself into the spotlight, and I might as well be naked. I'm sitting around with a collection of professors, doctorates, the SuperSmartStudents who are in programs I didn't even know existed. It's a sea of tweed, fashionably low heels, understated prints, nice jeans with blouses, a couple of non descript band tshirts... and me. Black cherry hair, facial hardware, distressed jeans, wallet chain, biker boots, and the flaming skull reading a book shirt. Oh yeah, did i mention I have my big boobs on, and my rack is displayed tastefully above the flaming skull?  I realize I probably look like someone these people would avoid in a dark alley. I like being myself, and I don't really try to be anybody else. I've got a good grasp on appropriate dress, conversation, and manners even if I choose not to exhibit them personally or consistently. But if I'm going to be hanging out with the giants of higher education, maybe I should go invest in some cardigans and tasteful heels to go along with my skulls and pistols? Is un-badassing myself selling out, or is it simply polite to take the brass knuckles out of my back pocket when I'm doing college-y stuff? I'mma have to think on that a little.

I love y'all and miss y'all crazy.